Monday, January 9, 2017


If I were a bachelor....

I'd eat lots of pizza.  And ice cream.
I'd probably never wash my sheets.
I'd use a sleeping bag to sleep in. Sell the sheets.
I'd have 5 dogs.  That would sleep on my bed.
I'd make a huge pot of coffee, and drink it over 3 days.
I'd use the same coffee grounds twice.
I'd get rid of most of the furniture in the house.
I'd use plastic forks and spoons. 3 real steak knives, 1 ice cream scoop.

I'd get rid of the vacuum and just use the leaf blower.

I'd wash my car.  
One side per week.  Yea, my car.  
I'd continue to wash the darks with the whites.  With bleach.
I'd hire teenagers to do my lawn, gardens, looking crabby all the time.
And then pay them a lot.  Still looking crabby of course.
I'd sit on the front porch early mornings drinking coffee.
I'd barbecue something for breakfast.

I'd call my brother more often.  Forget texting.
I'd do my best to be Christ like all the time.
I'd spend lots of time with my grand kids.
I'd still be a bachelor even though I have grand kids.
Don't worry about the details.  Ask my wife.  I'm still a bachelor.
I'd be a darn good bachelor.
I'd pick up hitchhikers. 
But only if they are real old, male, using a cane, holding 2 bags of groceries.
Oh yea, in the snow, and they have fallen down.  And they can't get up.
I'd call Kimmy and Todd lots more.
I'd eat peanut butter and pickles on sourdough.  Quite often.  Really.
I'd have a pallet of Diet 7-up in the garage just for the fun of it.
I'd stay off alcohol.

I'd dye my hair.  No I wouldn't.  Yes I would. I wouldn't.
I'd be a Conservative.  
I'd face issues head on.  Christ like of course.
I'd eat a snickers bar whenever I want to.
I'd eat peanut M and.........M's........ whenever I want to.
I'd go to movies a lot. Pixar stuff.  Star Wars stuff.  Comedies.
I'd buy the large popcorn and 7-up with a budget of $20.    
Oh yea, Red Vines.  To honor someone.

I'd always drive with my window down. Snow.  Rain. Sleet.  All of it.
I'd buy a convertable.
I'd have the top down all the time.  Snow.  Rain.  Sleet. All of it.
I'd always live by above entry by theimperfectpastor......and......Com.
I'd put my blender, toaster, tools, and work boots in the dishwasher.  Really.
I'd paint my house.  One side per year, forever.  Like my car.
I'd learn to use tools.
I'd never put my blower away.
I'd bleach everything.

I'd adopt every time.
I'd drive an old car.
I'd spend my money on a 65 inch TV.
I'd give away the rest.
I'd continue to be a little different.
I'd be more peaceful.
I'd confront people as needed.  Like Jesus did.
I'd continue to watch my grand kids grow up. 
But I'm a bachelor.  I'm confused.  Oh well.
I'd get married so I could have grand kids.
I'd never get on Face Book.
I'd eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches also.  Of course on Sourdough.
I'd look for my vacuum cleaner.
I'd paint more often.  I don't know what though.  I know! Gravidee.
I'd continue to watch stories about dog rescues on YouTube.
I'd then buy more Kleenex.
I'd continue to go to concerts.
I'd probably see my wife there.  Hi Chris.
I'd still be confused being a bachelor and having a wife. 
"Hey girl.  What's your name again?"  I always forget my wifes name.....

But you all must know. I am not a bachelor.  I am married to the coolest, radically
good wife that has allowed me to do the above things.  

She encourages me to do them.

Pretty Cool!


  1. Oh, I love this post, Tom! And, you and Christine know ALL ABOUT big loving families! Thanks so much for your sweet comment. Love you guys! blessings ~ tanna

  2. you are so funny... but I love all your druthers! They make me smile! Really smile!
    Dee Dee

  3. Good thing you are not a bachelor. It could be dangerous.